some quotable quotes.

Sometimes, some of my friends pick up the SAF language so quickly that I am amazed. In case you are wondering, it means that their sentences have no sense of grammar and sometimes they dont make sense as well.


shifu: there are alot of PHD pple in my coy (read as company... see? army language)
shenz: wah so pro ah?
shifu: PHD = Poly Halfway Dropouts.
shenz: OH! i always thought that PHD was Permanent Head Injury <-----(this is where u can see that shenz is an expert in army language)

D is for injury. Wow. hahahah ok don't murder me. I appreciate ur effort to talk to me in a way that I've become adjusted to ok! Here's even more proof...

shenz: some guys dont treat her as a girl mah! like man's best friend like that (note: the sentence was modified to protect the "her" and her image.)
shifu: you mean like a dog? (i always thought that a man's best friend is a dog)

Your authors here have been abducted by a bunch of researchers called the SAF for different purposes onto the island that goes by the name of TEKONG. As such, it is highly unlikely that we have time to post here as often as we wish to. In fact, even if we have time, we'll most probably be enjoying it elsewhere. Therefore, if you are still reading this blog, only check it out after the weekends when we bookout.

People keep asking me wad is army life like. They fail to realise that i belong to a special group of people. I'm FAT. and for being FAT u get a different training programme that goes at a slower pace. So i can't really tell u if army/bmt is hiong or shag. Apart from that, the $2 haircut is gosu, and the english is very ggxx. The food are not nice and the people there ask much stupid questions.

One day, a black cat fell into a jar of flour. When it managed to get out of it looking white from head to tail, it saw a white cat. What did the black cat say to the white cat?























Are you ready?





It said "Meow!". If ur cat can say anything other than that, leave a tag and we will buy it from you and train it to say "is it can be hugs time now pleez"

women consumerism

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

rape

my reaction on seeing the post shifu made with my amazingly slick dance moves

me: OHMYGOD
me: LOl
me: LOL
me: I HATE YOUT
me: YOU
me: FOREVER
me: FK U
me: LOL
shifu: i think its very cute
shifu: and i uploaded small versions so they cant see ur face clearly
shifu: thank me
me: ....
me: thats like
me: raping a girl
me: but wearing a condom
me: and expecting her to appreciate that
me: wow my analogy is damn good
me: lol
shifu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

please, call me whenever you need an analogy.

pre enlistment post

You know, it's quite amusing when I'm the one enlisting into the army, but my mum is the one that is super kanchiong abt it. In fact, I've never seen her so flustered before. Here are a few quotable moments frm our last minute army supplies shopping spreee today.

Mum: EH! U haven buy shampoo lah!
Shifu: Errrr... botak liao where got hair to wash?

Mum: What abt wet tissues? Also never buy leh!
Shifu: Just bring tissue to the ceremony then before u leave pass me wad uve used lor..

Mum: You got bring mp3 in or not?
Shifu: Never.
Mum: Bring leh! Then i can record my nagging and let u listen when u are in camp!
Shifu: .......



Mums are cool. With them around to help with packing, I will be dead if they decide to make me run 24km with my bag. Even 2.4km is enuff to make me lamer than i am now. Ok guys, and girls, and whoever isnt either of the previously mentioned, I am going to miss you lots. RANDY PEH. Pls pass ur ippt so that u can stay out and continue blogging. Dear readers, if randy doesnt update regularly, sms me and i will scream at him. To end off my last entry before enlistment, let me ask u a question.

DO YOU EVER WONDER WHY THEY CALL IT ARMY? AND NOT LEGGY,SHOULDERY, NOSEY?

Well its very simple. Because they always make people do pushups in the army. =D

If a picture says a thousand words and videos are a series of pictures, then videos are too many words.

Randy has been emo for the past few days. I suspect it is because I am going to the army in one day's time and he hasnt found someone else to entertain besides me. Really. Just look at his dancing lessons.









For the truly ignorant and stupid, this is Randy's randytion rendition of Saturday night fever dance moves.

i am emo

its really over, get over it!

The milk is spilt.

It does not matter how many tears you shed, the milk is still spilt. It is still that white stain on your carpet.

Please, just clean up the milk. All you are doing with your tears is making the stain saltier.

Perhaps one day, when you are completely dry of tears, and completely dehydrated because of all the tears flowing out of your eyes, and you go to the fridge to get a new glass of milk, and trip over your feet again, and spill it on the carpet again, then you can cry over the new spilt milk.

Until then, please, stop crying over this patch of spilt milk.

Its over, really.

The authors of this blog collaborated with some of their friends and came up with a short lesson on how to dance, the limpehz way. Of course, i was the choreographer and the rest were the dancers. However, because everyone's camera was too good and the image sizes are tremendous, it will take a while to collate and change the resolutions.

Meanwhile, if any of you are feeling depressed from reading the previous entry, please click on this link

And PLEEZ note that the original video goes as such

leave me alone

its over, get over it!
The horsie is dead.

It does not matter how often you kick the horsie, it will not cause the horsie to move again.

That is because, as has been stated before, the horsie is dead.

Please, let the horsie decompose in peace.

Perhaps one day, once the horsie has fully joined with the earth, and been reincarnated as grass, and that grass has been consumed by hamsters, and those hamsters have pooped out seeds, and those seeds have in turn grown MORE grass, and that grass has died and fertilized a farmers grain, and that grain has been harvested as used as feed for a NEW horsie, perhaps you can beat that horsie.

Until it dies.

But not this horsie.
Not anymore.
It's dead.

Really.

sorry for the esoteric post at 4:10 am in the morning

A Dumbie's Guide to being a Secret Agent.

If you are looking for a job to supplement your income because your value on humanforsale is too low, you better look at the job scope carefully before you put your signature on the contract. This is what happens if your desire for more money blinds you. This also serves as a warning to James Bond wannabes who have become brainwashed to think that being a secret agent is cool. I tell you. It definitely isn't.



Credits to Bang from Ronin.

How much are you worth?

I know a number of people out there who are going to start work, and some of them even complain that their pay is mediocre. Come on, deep down inside i know you think you are worth much more than you are getting paid. DONT LIE TO ME!

According to a bunch of dudes on the internet, i am worth $2,091,264 if i sell myself.I think that's too little actually. I downplayed my good points in the survey. And incase you were wondering, I filled in the bad habits parts honestly.

So, itching to find out how much u are worth? Visit www.HumanForSale.com now!


Tell us your score in the tagboard alright? We will collate a list and publish it. Your author here has to remind you that I am not for sale though. You can't afford my actual selling price, no matter how much you might complain that i am overpriced. But if you have a few millions to spare, I will willingly rent myself to you for a few days. Plus you must be really nice and sweet to me, if not I will come up with a list of hidden charges that will cause you to GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200. I don't think any of you are up it.