In relation to vips tag, I will post a completely neutral post today ! Credit to ikaruga!
How to piss people off on the bus/train
Having taken public transport for the majority of my life, I've noted down various ways to irritate people within a 5 metre radius of you. After all, if people constantly irritate you, why shouldn't you irritate them back? The methods listed below does not work on every kind of passenger. Some may get irritated while others may not give a fuck. The techniques taught are from personal experience, by observing gay fucks doing various fuck shit on the buses and trains. I am not responsible for you getting your ass whooped if you try any of the discussed methods.
1. Rest your knee on the front backrest (bus only). This is the most effective way to piss people off in the shortest amount of time. By resting your knee on the backrest, you apply subtle but noticeable pressure on the front guy's back. Usually people just get used to the pressure and ignore it. So to ramp up the irritation factor, try rocking your knees back and forth. This will cause the front guy to rock as well and will most definitely piss him off enough for him to turn around and give you death looks.
2. iPod irritation (bus or train). Most poseur assholes these days have an iPod, and most have some sort of receiver/discman device to listen to while on the way home. The trick is to adjust the volume such that the person next to you is able to hear the faint music BUT is unable to make out the exact lyrics of the song. This will piss people off because though you're providing free music for them, they can't hear whatever the fuck it is you're listening to. And they can't shut the sound off either because the music is definitely noticeable. The best part is usually nobody will say a thing because they'd look like a pussy ass for letting music irritate them, unless they're sleeping and your noise woke them up.
3. Mobile irritation (bus or train). Another popular choice since everyone now owns a phone that can transform and cook up a meal. Even old phones can attempt this. Every phone has some sort of lame java games installed that produces ear piercing blips and beeps. Simply whip out your phone and begin playing the game in a way such that it makes the most noise. The best are the kinds of looping sounds that repeat non stop.
4. Bell ninja (bus only). Stealthily press the Stop bell every now and then between stops without letting anyone know you're the bastard that's doing it. The constant bell tone will irritate everyone including the driver on the bus. Its an awesome bonus. Get back at the fucking uncle for taking such a long time to reach your stop.
5. Bell ninja II (bus only). This one requires timing. When the bus gets very near the next stop, press the bell stealthily and watch as the bus ebrakes and tries to stop within the bus bay. The force of the brakes will throw the passengers forward and of course piss them off. Do this enough times at various stops and watch the faces of the driver and passengers.
6. Noisy patriotic bastard (usually but not limited to train). Works best on crowded trains when you're standing in front of the sitting passengers. Singly, whip out your phone and pretend to talk to your friend about your time in the army. Go into details about how fucked up you felt and how unreasonable blah blah blah. Nothing pisses off a person more than hearing about some young punk talking endlessly about his time in the army and making a big fucking deal over nothing. For best effect have an accomplice with you. Both of you can just drone on and on and agreeing to everything the other says. Throw in the occasional hyena laughter and watch as everyone else clenches their fist.
7. Mat Attack (anywhere). Requires help from a few accomplices. Simply sit in a corner and talk about interesting (lurid to assholes) things like sex and porn while laughing loudly occasionally. The trick is to talk loudly enough for other passengers to hear without raising your voice. Should not be carried out in densely packed places either. People always get pissed when there's a group of shitfucks talking about sex and stuff and laughing like horny cowboys. Even those politically incorrect ones will get pissed for not being included in the 'conversation'.
How to piss people off on the bus/train
Having taken public transport for the majority of my life, I've noted down various ways to irritate people within a 5 metre radius of you. After all, if people constantly irritate you, why shouldn't you irritate them back? The methods listed below does not work on every kind of passenger. Some may get irritated while others may not give a fuck. The techniques taught are from personal experience, by observing gay fucks doing various fuck shit on the buses and trains. I am not responsible for you getting your ass whooped if you try any of the discussed methods.
1. Rest your knee on the front backrest (bus only). This is the most effective way to piss people off in the shortest amount of time. By resting your knee on the backrest, you apply subtle but noticeable pressure on the front guy's back. Usually people just get used to the pressure and ignore it. So to ramp up the irritation factor, try rocking your knees back and forth. This will cause the front guy to rock as well and will most definitely piss him off enough for him to turn around and give you death looks.
2. iPod irritation (bus or train). Most poseur assholes these days have an iPod, and most have some sort of receiver/discman device to listen to while on the way home. The trick is to adjust the volume such that the person next to you is able to hear the faint music BUT is unable to make out the exact lyrics of the song. This will piss people off because though you're providing free music for them, they can't hear whatever the fuck it is you're listening to. And they can't shut the sound off either because the music is definitely noticeable. The best part is usually nobody will say a thing because they'd look like a pussy ass for letting music irritate them, unless they're sleeping and your noise woke them up.
3. Mobile irritation (bus or train). Another popular choice since everyone now owns a phone that can transform and cook up a meal. Even old phones can attempt this. Every phone has some sort of lame java games installed that produces ear piercing blips and beeps. Simply whip out your phone and begin playing the game in a way such that it makes the most noise. The best are the kinds of looping sounds that repeat non stop.
4. Bell ninja (bus only). Stealthily press the Stop bell every now and then between stops without letting anyone know you're the bastard that's doing it. The constant bell tone will irritate everyone including the driver on the bus. Its an awesome bonus. Get back at the fucking uncle for taking such a long time to reach your stop.
5. Bell ninja II (bus only). This one requires timing. When the bus gets very near the next stop, press the bell stealthily and watch as the bus ebrakes and tries to stop within the bus bay. The force of the brakes will throw the passengers forward and of course piss them off. Do this enough times at various stops and watch the faces of the driver and passengers.
6. Noisy patriotic bastard (usually but not limited to train). Works best on crowded trains when you're standing in front of the sitting passengers. Singly, whip out your phone and pretend to talk to your friend about your time in the army. Go into details about how fucked up you felt and how unreasonable blah blah blah. Nothing pisses off a person more than hearing about some young punk talking endlessly about his time in the army and making a big fucking deal over nothing. For best effect have an accomplice with you. Both of you can just drone on and on and agreeing to everything the other says. Throw in the occasional hyena laughter and watch as everyone else clenches their fist.
7. Mat Attack (anywhere). Requires help from a few accomplices. Simply sit in a corner and talk about interesting (lurid to assholes) things like sex and porn while laughing loudly occasionally. The trick is to talk loudly enough for other passengers to hear without raising your voice. Should not be carried out in densely packed places either. People always get pissed when there's a group of shitfucks talking about sex and stuff and laughing like horny cowboys. Even those politically incorrect ones will get pissed for not being included in the 'conversation'.
posted by pehpeh at 11:45 AM
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