shen, please do understand that patience is a good virtue. especially if you are in the army. because we rush to wait, and wait to rush. one classic situation would be....

Sgt: "I GIVE U ALL ONE MINUTE EVERYTHING ON AND FALL IN OUT HERE!"

- Recruits scramble out from their current positions and grab their LBV (Load Bearing Vest, or SBO aka skeletal battle order. dont worry u noobs. i will explain what it means further on in this article) and put on their helmets, slinging their rifles on and perhaps even try to throw their 10-15kg fieldpack on without losing balance. then, they will run, or at least throw their weight forward and reach the fall in place (hopefully) on time -

Sgt: "You all like to take ur own sweet time issit! 7 (or number as applicable) weeks in BMT already, still cannot fall in on time issit! Want me to F*** you all issit!"

Recruits: "NO SERGEANTTTTT!"

Sgt: "THEN? -2sec break- I give you all one last chance understand!?"

Recruits: "YES SERGEANTTTT!"

Sgt: "Ok whole lot on ur butts down!"

- Recruits sit down and stone until further instructions are given. If you are lucky, the waiting time is rather short, about 5 mins or so, if not, well just wait lah! -

Sometimes i wonder why dont they lengthen the time allocated for our movement and shorten the waiting time. You want the typical SAF answer? Are you sure? Can you answer me yes or no?

SAF: "Because our soldier must be equipped with the sense of urgencies" <--- pardon the gramar.

Of course, while the new recruits are adapting to their newly shaven heads and army life, the senior recruits have found more interesting-er things to do on the sunny islands of tekong. in case u didnt spot the mistake, tekong is considered an island, not islands. Your author here set off on his field camp during the course of this week, which explains his lack of replies to YOUR smses and inability to pickup ur calls. simply because you were not impt enuff the sergeants kept our phones.

And if you think being in the army trains us to be real men (quoted from some particular papans, which again is singular), think again. Here's my observations from my experience during field camp.

#1 - If you are a real man, why do you have to wake ur buddy up to go to the toilet with you at night? Going to the toilet in groups or at least in pairs simply reeks of girlishness to me. What, go to the toilet to gossip abt the sergeant and how cute he is ah? -_-

#2 - "Real men" like us wear make up too. Except while most girls put on makeup to stand out from the crowd, we put on ours to blend into the surrounding jungle flora. i.e. CAMO CREAM. its fking expensive ok one tube $2.50+ and pple like me who sweat alot need to touch up the makeup quite often each day... And if you kena the 1minute (the time varies frm 1-5minutes) drill before you finish washing off the cream back in ur bunk's toilet, you look like you are wearing mascara. (how the hell do u spell that word?)

#3 - I used to think that only girls went on diet and watched their weight. Sadly, I've joined the weight conscious club. Issuing us 4 X 24hrs worth of combat rations is crap. Firstly, nobody eats more than 1 X 24hrs worth of food during the field camp that lasts 5 or 6 days. Usually you are too tired or not in the mood to eat, and the food simply sucks so much you start missing the cookhouse food. (It's all a ploy to make the cookhouse food seem tasty). On top of this indirectly imposed diet, obese recruits like yours truly get confined in camp if my weight increases. SO WE HAVE TO GO "EEEEEEEEEW! THE CHICKEN SKIN SO FATTENING!" -but say already still put into my mouth, chew and swallow lah! siao dont waste food leh!-

#4 - SPAs are no longer for females only. It's official. Because of the rain, the camp sites have become make shift mudbaths that we roll,crawl,sit,eat,sleep,squat,stand,liedown in. If you are lucky, your commanders will give you a very fun command like "WHOLE LOT KNOCK IT DOWN!" -actually the only thing you knock down is yourself lah. pushup also muz give fancy commands- and u will hear alot of splattering sounds as people scramble into the pushup position, sometimes inadvertedly kicking some mud into the face of the poor guy behind him... So, we get mud baths and mud masks. free treatment FTW!

#5 - We carry more things than we need, and squeeze them into a bag that doesnt allow for so much capacity. And then we complain but do nothing about it.

#6 - We wear bras. OKOK just joking, dont need to give me that face as though the sky just fell down. LBV aka Load Bearing Vest, The Bra for all new NSmen. We have to adjust the straps until they fit snugly on us, or when we run around, things will start bouncing (all our equipment on the vest lah stop thinking pervertedly) and it will be super uncomfortable. However, it is comforting to note that the LBVs are one size fit all! =p

#7 - We clutch our rifles close to us (especially at night when the sergeants are too busy trying to steal rifles to sleep) just like how girls clutch their handbags tightly to prevent them from being snatched away when we are off guard. If our rifles are stolen, we get confined for at least one weekend.

#8 - Klar, dont worry, your favourite hobby has been picked up by some of the people in my company. Sgt: "PLATOON 4 FALL IN NOW!" - some particular blurcock suddenly gets hit by reality. "SHIT! I HAVEN CHANGE!" - As such, instead of

Sgt: "THEN? -2sec break- I give you all one last chance understand!?"

You usually see this...

Sgt: "THEN? -2sec break- WHOLE LOT KNOCK IT DOWN!"

- Recruits, being enthusiatic about army life, starts fervently carrying out the punishment, which is almost standard 20 counts of pushup -

(after abt 10 counts)

Sgt: "I got give you all permission to carry on issit?"

Rec: "NO SERGEANT!!!" -awkward pauses- "PERMISSION TO CARRY ON SERGEANT!"

Sgt: "Carry on" <--- although he says carry on, what he means is to restart from ZERO. not carry on from where you stopped. Note the amazing way they phrase things in the army. Wait. It's we, not they. WE.