Someone: I'm hungry!!!
*pause*
What did i eat for lunch?
*pause pause*
*looks up to think*
OH i didnt eat anything.
*as i start to look amused*
Actually i ate vege. Chinese salad lorr.
*after some intense exchanges about chinese salads*
Oh i had 2 fish too! my grandfather cooked fish... and they were fishy!


So, as we can all see, Fish are fishy, and eating vege and fish means not eating anything. Will that someone please not read the above quotes and at the same time also not kill me. Thanks.

Army is the way of life. Dont believe me? ask britney. she shaved her head!

compulsion

after reading through our blog, i realize that sometimes my titles have no relation to the stuff inside the post.

sorry about the moment of irrelevance there. what i am actually here to blog about is the new, ingenious ways the army has come up with to make you do PT.

the SMS game!

take any phrase. for us we got the phrase "Passing Out Parade is in one month". then, do one pushup for A, one for B, one for C, until P, because P is the first letter you need to spell the phrase. then one pushup for A, the second letter in the phrase. Then one for A, one for B, one for C, one for D until S, the next letter in the phrase, and so on. Creative cruelty at its finest!

This can be varied by making people do a certain number of pushups, say twenty. and you do a pushup for o, a pushup for n, a pushup for e, a pushup for one, and so on until twenty.

the dips game!

assuming everyone knows what a dip is, and how tiring it is to hold a dip in position, if you don't know what a dip is, I suggest you ask any canoeist that you may know.

so, you have about 20 recruits holding the dip position, and your officer says, "I want all of you to spell out your JC/poly/uni name!" so while we are all holding the dip position, the first guy starts, and we only recover when the last guy ends. amazing how many people dont know how to spell junior college. variations of this can be tried, like "I want all of you to spell diarrhoea, BACKWARDS". also, any mistake in the spelling means you get to start all over again.

the stand by bed/area game.

i am still firmly convinced that a stand by bed/area is nothing more then an excuse for the commanders to make you do some PT. there is a standard template for how each bunk and cupboard and the area should look like, and a stand by area means your cupboard is closed, they just want to inspect the cleanliness of the bunk area, and a stand by bed means you open your cupboard for them to check the inside as well. any mistake, depending on your commander, you get some kind of punishment, ranging from 5 pushups to 15 pushups with 15 crunches. and there is always some kind of mistake, ranging from wrong shoe arrangement to unpolished boots to dust on the joints of the cupboard or stains on the window or a bird flying into your bunk when all of you are standing outside and shitting on the floor (no joke, true story).

anyway, I'm really tired now, so byebyes!

but before i leave, i need to comment on the tagboard.

nikia: hi im scared 2 hug my boyfreind
shifu: its ok. u can hug randy

hihi nikia, I accept hugs only if you're a girl, goodlooking, and know how to spell. you fail the third criteria, but I'm still willing to give you a chance and accept hugs still if your second attribute is overwhelmingly outstanding. don't ever say that i'm an unreasonable person. =)

and to my dear co-author, i am not in need of any advertising right now.

That's it. Yours truly has had enough of army commanders repeating their overly recycled insults. For the past 9 weeks, I've listened to the same insults like "Fuck you understand?" fly around, with no attempt at making creative enhancements to them.

Instead of saying "FUCK U UNDERSTAND?" everytime they raised their middle fingers, commanders should try the following line:

"You are the reason God created the middle finger."

To people who just wont keep their mouth shut despite polite warnings:
"I don't mind that you are talking as long as you don't mind that I'm not listening."

And if he still wont shut up, jz carry on whatever you are doing. When he finally shuts his trap, turn ur head towards him slowly and say: "you were saying?"

To the dumbass who always screws up whatever instructions given to him:
(when he is looking lost and in despair) "What's on your mind? *dramatic pause of several seconds* oh wait, i forgot you don't have one"

If he says "huh?"
You slap your forehead and go: "WTF. You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone."

Whoever said that a man of few words was a man of action definitely missed out on the keypoint. A man of few words is one who spoke his mind, but didnt have much of it to start with.

Disclaimer: The author claims no responsibility for any harm incurred by individuals who decide to use the above mentioned insults. If your target of insult is too dumb to understand the insults, please, refer them to me. I will start a clinic to cure stupidity. There's no cure really, but they just don't get it do they?

Ok la ok la, don't worry, if ure reading this blog, ure not stupid. However, if u believed the statement i jz made, ure damn stupid.

The next time you decide not to forget to do your homework, try this...

student: "Ma'am, would you ever punish someone for something he didnt do?"
if ure lucky, she'll pretend to be all righteous and say "of course not!"
that's when u tell her the truth "Ma'am, I didnt do the maths assignment that's due today"

Of thinkers, leaders and pioneers.

Somehow, from our records, people get to this blog by searching for weird things like "field camp powder bath photos". In case any of the upper authorities read this, we love the army. =D

I thought that the A level's was the last examination that i would have to take before my NS life is over. I was bloody wrong. In meritocratic singapore, those who display potential to become commanders ie to say sergeants and sirs in the SAF (which pratically includes all the poly and jc students), there is such a thing called the Sit test, used to assess whether we are suitable to become a commander.

It lasts for 3 days 2 nights and in an ideal situation, the following occurs...

Sir: "Ok whole lot on ur butts down!"
SitTestCohort: "SCHOOL 1!"

--- --- --- --- 3 DAYS LATER --- --- --- ---


Sir: "Congratulations on making it to the end of this test. The last part of the test requires you to stand up within a given time frame of 20 seconds. ON UR FEETS UP!"

SitTestCohort: "SCHOOL 1!" (half of them fail to stand up and another quarter fall down again after a few seconds of standing)

But such fairy tales dont happen in real life. To survive the Sit Test, which actually stands for situational tests, you need to be aware of certain ways of life.

1. Got thing you do. (do what is required of u)
2. Got food you eat. (dont starve urself cos u need the energy)
3. Got time you sleep. (u need the rest)

These 3 principles are enough to ensure your sanity throughout the test, as advised by a certain Sergeant Major who used to be a SOF trainer. If you wish to go one step further and ACE the test, you need to figure out the answer to this question

WHY IS SINGAPORE A SHE AND NOT A HE?



















write down ur answer before you scroll down for the answer. dont cheat!
















BECAUSE NO MAN IS AN ISLAND!
Remember that your teammates will be the ones who will be your source of strength, and if your team mates are causing too much disturbance during ur command, ask them to stfu or give them the gpmg.

For those who aspire to become a leader, let me leave you with some food for thought.
CSM of a particular company: "Do you know what is a leader? A leader is a servant."

--- minute of silence observed as images of ourselves looking like maids sank in ---

And some more if i did not manage to convince you not to fight for command school spots with me.

Sgt: "Do you know what SISPEC stands for?"
Rec: "School of infantry specialists"
Sgt: "WRONG! It means Suffer In Silence Plus Extra Confinement!"